Hungry for Love
We all want to be a "somebody" in the eyes of someone who loves us.
by Chip Ingram
There are a lot of theories out there that try to explain why people behave the way we do. Freud said our behavior is determined by primal drives. Adler disagreed, saying our life really revolves around self-esteem. Goldberg said it's all about stages of moral development. Maslow thought our behavior fit a certain hierarchy of needs on the road to self-actualization. Skinner argued that it has more to do with stimulus responses.
But there's one thing everyone agrees on: We all want to be a "somebody" in the eyes of someone who loves us.
That's true, isn't it? We all want significance. It's one of our most basic drives. We need to feel important and loved, at least by someone. And because deep down we feel unworthy we develop elaborate strategies to get people to love us.
The problem is that our love-seeking gymnastics often take us outside of God's boundaries. The guilt, shame, denial, and lies that result always accomplish the opposite result from what we wanted. We feel even more unworthy than before.
The Big Question
Here's the question I want us to consider: Knowing that we've violated God's boundaries in our desperate attempt to get people to love us-whether it has been in a contrived personality or slavish performance-how is God going to respond?
In Luke 15, Jesus addressed this very issue in three quick snapshots designed to reveal how God's heart responds to irreligious, immoral lawbreakers-people like us who were desperate for significance and sought it in all the wrong places.
A lot of sinners were gathering around Jesus. So were the Pharisees and teachers of the law. Both groups had internal problems; the Pharisees covered it up well, but the sinners had given up. Jesus wanted both groups to know what God thinks when people have blown it.
Lost and Found
The first parable (vv. 4-7) is about lost sheep. In an agricultural society, everyone understood the pitfalls of the shepherding profession. If you lost a sheep, you'd be responsible for it. Your reputation as a shepherd was on the line, and so were the financial accounts of the sheep-owner.
So if you lost a sheep, diligently sought to find it, and then found it and brought it back into the fold, you'd celebrate. That was worthy of a party.
The second parable (vv. 8-10) is about a woman who lost a silver coin. That coin would have been worth a day's wage. Sometimes 10 of them would be made into a headband for the woman's dowry. It would be precious and sentimental, either as the means for tomorrow's food or as a tenth of the dowry. If it were lost, there would be an intensive search. And if it were found, there would be a celebration.
But the best-known parable in this chapter is about a son who, against all social protocol and respect, took off with his portion of his father's wealth and wasted it on reckless living. He did what every young man's heart tempts him to do. He said, "I'm going to be fulfilled, I'm going to take what's mine, and I'm going to get what I want to be happy and important." He fell for the false promises of momentary pleasure. He acted in really senseless ways to find significance-and it all made sense to him.
His reckless living leads where reckless living always leads: to desperate need. After spending all he had, a famine struck the country, and the son got hungry. In order to survive, he hired himself out to feed pigs-the ultimate humiliation for a Jew. And he would have eaten even the pigs' food, if he could. But no one gave him anything. He was completely bankrupt.
As everyone does after a desperate search for fulfillment has proven foolish, the son reflected on his circumstances. And he came up with a plan: He would return to his father and own up to his own bankruptcy. It didn't matter that he could no longer be considered a son. Even being his father's hired help would be better than where he was. He planned to go back, tell his father he'd blown it, and accept what he deserved.
The arm-crossed Pharisees listening to Jesus were set up for the punch line, and Jesus delivered it. The father saw his son from a distance, was filled with compassion, and ran to him. He threw his arms around the son and kissed him.
Do you see how loaded that picture is? The son tried to lay out his plan, and the father interrupted him. He wouldn't let the repentant son work for his salvation. Instead, the father honored his son with a prestigious robe, a ring representing family authority, and ... a party. A big one.
Honest to God
The answer for those who crave acceptance and will do anything to get it is that we don't have to. The heart of God accepts people who have blown it. That's how He responds when we've sought love in all the wrong places and done foolish things that make sense only to ourselves. We try to win the love of others, and after all our elaborate plans have failed and we come back to Him, God has a celebration. His acceptance was the only acceptance that mattered, and realizing that is reason for a party.
Do you see the pattern? Something valuable was lost, there was an intensive search, what was lost is found, and there's a celebration. That's how God will meet every single person who finds himself or herself unworthy of His love.
That's not just a message for unbelievers, by the way. It doesn't matter if you've been a Christian with a sterling record for 30 years. Somewhere along the way, you've probably hungered for love and crossed the boundaries in a foolish attempt to get it.
And if you have, God has a remedy. Come to Him as a real, honest, repentant child, and ask Him to help. He will, because He always does. That's the kind of God you will find every time.
Chip Ingram, the President & CEO of Walk Thru the Bible, is the
Teaching Pastor for the radio broadcast Living on the Edge. He has served as Senior Pastor of Santa Cruz Bible Church,
a large non-denominational church located in Santa Cruz, California, since 1990. Often dealing with highly controversial
and life-impacting issues, Chip's teaching is characterized by relevance, integrity, and Scriptural accuracy.
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